News Flash-
December 15, 2008

 (Leonard News Network)

Oregon Coast frozen solid due to Global Warming?

Otis, Oregon-- When Leonard Henderson moved to the coast of Oregon, one of the things he was looking forward to was NO SNOW. 

After spending a life-time fighting the snow in Eastern Oregon and in Alaska, Leonard had just about enough of snow and sub-freezing temperatures.

"Normally, it's about 40 degrees or more this time of the year.  It's not all that uncommon to hit the high 50's." Leonard said.

"But this is not the record- yet.  The record low temperature was 7 degrees in 2005.  We may well be headed for a new low later this week, since this Artic blast is due to stick around a while."

I wonder if the cold air sliding down this side of the earth has sucked warm air up to the Artic from the other side of the world?"  Leonard wondered.  "That would make a lot of sense."

"Everywhere I have been in my miserable life, it has set new records for cold, snowfall, rainfall, earthquakes, glaciers sliding, and what-have-you.  I have lived in some of the crappiest places for weather on earth.   I have seen very few new records for high temperatures.  I really wonder if people are capable of observing what is going on around them", Leonard conjectured.

"There is no doubt in my mind that we are going to hear from some spazoid Global Warming propagandist that these record-setting cold temperatures are due to Global Warming", Leonard said.

In the meantime, the weather forecast for the Northwest is for ever colder temperatures throughout the week.

"I don't think we will soon see the end of this unbearable Global Warming trend..."

"Personally, I would like some greenhouse effect".

"I think the Global Warming nuts are eventually going to have to do some back-pedaling."

"But I have faith in their never-ending Sky-is-falling doom prognosticating.  After all, it wasn't all that long ago, the big deal was Global Cooling.  I remember that farce cost the US Trillions of dollar$ to 'fix'.  I guess they fixed it too well?"

" And just think of what would have happened if we hadn't healed up that Hole in the Ozone by banning those murderous refrigerants that were killing off all the poor defenseless ozones?".

"What would we have done without these turd-head Chicken Littles?  The world would surely have been doomed.  If they had been around thousands of years ago, they could have stopped the ice age and saved the Hairy Mammoth and the Saber-Tooth Tiger."

Leonard (who has a tendency to wander far from the topic and sometimes even forgets what his point was) summed up by saying that he would welcome some Global Warming around his house.  "I'll be darned if I will move south to some other god-forsaken Communist state that has learned how from Oregon.  I am sticking with the ORIGINAL Soviet Union of the West.  It's sort of a 'stay true to your school' thing- Yanno?"

As he watches the wind blowing the dry, powdery snow off the roof and rolling like a wave in front of his window, Leonard states that he deeply regrets not moving to the Federated States of Micronesia in 1999.  "What could possibly have been wrong with that?", Leonard asks.

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Added December 22, 2008